From Paul Will Rogers

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it
back in your pocket.

8. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from
bad judgment.

9. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now
and then to make sure it's still there.

10. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back in.

11. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he
started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot
him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

original sender : Paul Vogt

Very Punny!

The list of truly awful puns :

1. A backward poet writes inverse.
2. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
3. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
4. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
5. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
6. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
7. Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
8. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
9. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)
10. In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
11. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
12. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and...
I'll show you A-flat minor.
13. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
14. A Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
15. Every calendar's days are numbered.
16. A lot of money is tainted -- it taint yours and it taint mine.
17. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
18. Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
19. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
20. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
21. Acupuncture is a jab well done.

John Donovan

Still More Bumper 'Slickers'

If it weren't for Venetian blinds it would be curtains for
everybody.

We painted our floor with luminous paint, so now the
florescent what it used to be.

One good turn gets most of the blankets.

Two silkworms were in a race. They ended up in a tie.

Having children. What an heir raising experience that is!

Perforation is a rip-off!

A man worked at an orange juice factory, but he was canned
because he couldn't concentrate.

Another poor soul worked at a company making blankets. He
lost his job when the company folded.

There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and
those who can't.

Never put off to tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.

A man who smiles when things go wrong knows who to blame.

A bird in the hand can get kind of messy.

Golf scores are directly proportional to the number of
witnesses

Don't use a big word where a diminutive word will suffice

If at first you don't succeed -- give up! No use being a
fool about it!

Brent Gray