A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says 'I'll
serve you, but don't start anything.'
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm
and says: 'A beer please, and one for the road.'
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married.
The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.
'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'.'
'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.'
'Is it common?'
'It's not unusual.'
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, 'I've lost my
electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure?' The first replies,
'Yes, I'm positive...'
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, 'My dog's
cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? ' 'Well,'
says the vet, 'let's have a look at him.' So he picks the
dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally,
he says 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because
he's cross-eyed?' 'No, because he's really heavy.'
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I
couldn't find any.
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by
a strong currant.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other
and says 'dam'.
author: Dolly Howard
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